Written By: Erin Edwards, Ph.D, LP

We all know the mental load of being a parent of an elementary schooler is significant. On any typical weeknight during the school year, your running to-do list might look something like this:

• Check which math workbook pages were assigned
• Make sure they’re completed
• Pack them in the correct folder
• Fill water bottles
• Review the activities calendar
• Gather the right gear—shoes, cleats, balls, pants, jerseys, etc.
• Make dinner
• Clean up afterward
• Do the laundry
• And on and on…

At the end of the school year, this to-do list seems to magically expand. On top of the usual 30+ daily tasks, a whole new set of “extra” items appears, like:

• Signing field trip permission slips
• Possibly chaperoning the trip, too
• Buying cookies for staff appreciation day
• Attending concerts, ceremonies, and end-of-year events
• Locking in summer care and camp plans
• And on and on…

All of that might be manageable for the rare super-parent, but the to-do list is set on the backdrop of a family system that is out of balance. Kids want to linger outside and play after dinner, nudging bedtime later and into risky territory. At school, staying focused gets harder when the sun is shining right outside their classroom windows. And on top of that, there may be an uptick in messages from teachers as kids start to feel out of sync there, too.

Now layer in everything else you’re already juggling all year long—work, running a household, cooking and cleaning, caring for family, keeping up with friends, squeezing in a workout, and shuttling kids to and from activities. At this point, it really is too much. Parents feel maxed out, kids are dysregulated, and the whole system starts to feel off.

So what’s a parent to do? Start by taking a breath. Good, let’s do another one. In for the count of 3, out for the count of 5. We’re going to get through this (we always do). 

Here are a few strategies I’m trying with my family during this May-hem. My hope is they ease some of the stress and make a little more room to enjoy the sweet moments in these final weeks of the school year:

Get those mental to-dos out of your head

As often as you need, brain dump your running to-do list into your organizational system of choice (e.g., calendar, to-do lists, reminders app). Getting it out of your head and into the physical world can (sometimes) open up space in your brain for other things. For example, when you see the email reminder to have your kids wear their school colors on Friday, pull out your phone and say, “Hey Siri– remind me to dress the kids in school colors this Thursday at 7:00pm” (or whenever you’re starting your bedtime routine) so they can set out the clothes they want to wear the next day. 

Share the load

Try creating a simple routine your kids can follow to get ready for the next day. This might include packing homework, putting lunch items together, or gathering materials for activities. Even young children can follow a basic picture or checklist schedule. Post it somewhere easy to see and build it into the daily routine, like after school or after dinner. Kids may still need reminders or help (“Dad, where’s my math book?”), but over time this can help everyone feel more prepared and hopefully less stressed.

Let some stuff go

Sure, I want to be that parent who’s volunteering at the school carnival, contributing snacks to staff appreciation, and attending both my kids’ field trips AND field day, but that’s maybe a little too much at one time. Maybe. Decide what matters most to you and prioritize those. Maybe you sign up for volunteering at the carnival but pass on the field trip. Maybe you prioritize being there for the kindergarten graduation ceremony but skip the end-of-year class party. It’s hard to choose which things matter the “most,” but showing up as a stressed and stretched-thin parent doesn’t feel good either.

Soak it in

I know, I know, another therapist going on about gratitude and mindfulness and blah blah blah. It’s redundant, but it’s true. When we’re able to pull our minds away from thinking and planning and anticipating (see suggestion #1) and anchor ourselves in the now, we significantly increase our chances of noticing something beautiful. The first peony bud. The smell of fresh-cut grass. A breeze that’s warm after so many months of cold. The sound of our kids laughing on the playground. In the midst of the chaos, these moments of beauty are here to notice too. 

Try some re-branding

The idea here is that our thoughts influence our feelings and our actions, so if we can change our thoughts to something more helpful or positive, we can influence our feelings and behaviors too. A common thought I’ve been having in the last few weeks is “This is too much.” While it may be true, it is not helpful. It makes my chest tight, it increases my stress, and it sends me back into that spin of planning and doing. An alternative thought that’s been working for me is, “Do what you can right now,” and reminding myself that being a present, engaged parent in the small day-to-day moments is more meaningful than attending every end-of-the-year festivity. I also know that I might miss this all when they grow up when I’m trading MCA prep for finals and field day for prom photos. While I look forward to that phase of parenthood, I know I’ll look back at the sweetness of these elementary school days. 

This is where I leave you– planner open, reminders set, mindfulness and gratitude turned up to 10. I hope a few of these strategies can support you and your family in this chaotic and beautiful season. And if you need a little extra support or someone to talk to, Ballard Clinic is here.